Guns and Records

I went to Potbelly today with my girlfriend for a little lunch. I ordered the ham and swiss with some mustard and various vegetables. I even purchased one of their “deli pickles” which I’ll get into later. When I read the menu of sandwiches, I failed to notice the “served warm” part. I had read, “warm bread”. Silly me. When I retreived my paper-wrapped lunch, it was warm in my hand. I then realized I had made a mistake.

Let me fill you in on my eating habits, that way you’ll understand my frustration during the above transaction. I eat the same shit all of the time. If I go to a Mexican restaurant, there are two items on the menu I’ll order (tacos or chimichanga- maybe a burrito if I’m feeling wacky). Chinese? Chicken with broccoli, please. Seafood restaurant? Good luck. This drives my girlfriend, brother, and just about anyone else fucking crazy when they go out to eat with me.

“Why don’t you try something different?”

“Because it’s my meal. I want what I want.”

“That’s so boring.”

That’s me. Boring, picky eater. The list of things I’ll eat is probably shorter than the list of things I won’t eat. I spent my whole childhood with an experimental chef as a mother. Remember the health food craze in the 80s? I remember it well. Tofu, brown rice, vegetarianism, etc. One night, I sat at the dinner table until about 3 am because I wouldn’t eat a quiche my mom had made. It wasn’t until she had gotten up to use the bathroom that she remembered I was still sitting there and sent me to bed. The same quiche was served to me a few hours later for breakfast. I went hungry that day. This is probably where my pickiness began. Where most kids learned variety is good, and one should try different things is where I learned that as an adult I can eat whatever the fuck I want.

Cut to me leaving the sandwich “shoppe” pissed with a toasted sandwich. Having spent many years in New Jersey (where, in my opinion, the best sandwiches are made) has made me enjoy giant, non-toasted sub sandwiches. Companies began toasting sandwiches to make themselves seem different than “the other sandwich chain”- Subway. Don’t even get me started on that fucking abortion of a sandwich joint. Fuck Subway for life. Even Subway has begun to toast their awful garbage they call sandwiches.

Anyway, I ate the toasted sandwich. It wasn’t so bad that it was inedible, but wasn’t anywhere near good. Actually, it probably wouldn’t have been half bad untoasted. Their pickle, on the other hand was another story. Imagine a soggy cucumber. It smelled like a pickle, but tasted like it had a few more days worth of soaking to do. All in all, a disappointing lunch.

My applause for all of you who try new things. Good for you. You’re the type of people who others enjoy dining with. You don’t have a short list of restaurants that you’ll eat at. You haven’t made someone feel bad at Thanksgiving because you only ate turkey and mashed potatoes. I’ll be sitting over here in the corner with my Kraft macaroni and cheese and tacos perfectly happy.