Guns and Records

There’s a woman I know who is a lesbian. She likes women, and only women- as far as I know. She doesn’t live her life as a lesbian, but as a woman who likes women. At the time of our last meeting, she didn’t have one peice of rainbow paraphenalia, one rainbow sticker on her car, and hadn’t been to a single “Gay Pride Event”. Not because she was afraid to do any of these things, but because she just didn’t care to broadcast it. Why can’t all gay people be like her?

I’ve tried to understand where the gay community is coming from. You’ve been opressed into hiding who you like to sleep with your whole life until you “came out”, and now you want to show the world what you’ve been hiding. No one cares. Join a support group or something, for Christ’s sake. I don’t want to be bombarded with your sexual preference while I’m driving to work. No one I pass on the highway would know that I’m heterosexual unless they saw me banging my girlfriend. Let’s keep it that way.

The same goes for you, soccer moms. This new trend of the stickers with your kid’s name and number and their sport of choice on your rear window is fucking stupid. Why did you do that? Is “scrapbooking” (you know, that moronic industry created by bored housewives to make their day seem meaningful) getting old? Fuck your kid. I hated kids to begin with, and now I’ve got a particular kid to hate now. My prayers are now directed at your kid’s team losing terribly in whatever sport they choose, and have their dreams crushed. Don’t worry, they’ll still get some kind of fucking trophy anyway. See how childhood is becoming more and more like the special olympics? Your kids are now emotional retards. Congratulations. What’s next, “My kid took his first steps today!” sticker? I hope your children grow up to become drug addicts that won’t move out of your house, just to prove that your idea of childraising (enrolling your child in as many extracurricular activities as possible) came back to bite your dumb jogging-pants-wrapped ass.

See a trend here?