I was born in the wrong era.
I’ve been trying to pinpoint the exact moment I knew, without any doubt, that I was living in the most base and stupid generation in American history.
It might have been when all of the warning labels started popping up on almost every product on store shelves. Even replica football helmets marketed to fans of certain teams have stickers informing consumers that the helmet is not intended for on-field use, and won’t protect the user in the event of a tackle. Are you seriously that stupid? Did you think that the $59 Packers helmet that you just bought at the fan shop could be used to keep yourself safe when riding that dirtbike? Moron. When did we as a country decide that we should intervene in the Darwin’s “fittest” theory?
I hate to agree with Bill Bellamy, but he told a story of his youth as it applied to “child-proofing”. There are now companies that will come to your home and install all kinds of kid-proof shit on your cabinets, outlets, glass coffee table, etc., in order to make your home safe for your children. Bellamy tells how his mother didn’t stop him from touching a hot stove, and when he subsequently burned himself his mom stated that the stove was now “child-proofed”. Remember when you could ride a bike without a helmet at the age of 8? How climbing trees and half touch, half tackle football was a weekly (if not daily) occurrence in your neighborhood? You hurt yourself, and through the pain you learned that the activity that caused the injury was now off-limits unless you just liked pain. Or maybe you are just stupid, and that activity might eventually remove you from society.
To continue on the “wrong era” theme, I’m getting quite tired of women wearing less and less in commercials, theme restaurants, and even on the streets/ in clubs. You can’t swing a dead stripper without hitting a Hooters, Bone Daddy’s, or Twin Peaks. For the uninitiated, these are restaurants that have female servers wearing less than your average NFL cheerleader while bringing you your hot wings. I long for the days of pin-ups that were fully clothed and posed in positions of answering the office phone, or on the street on a windy day. You might catch a glimpse of the top of a stocking, and that was all you needed to get a little excited.
Now, I have to be smacked with tits when I’m trying to eat lunch. Sure, I could just avoid those places, but it doesn’t stop there. Watch TV for a couple hours, and I’m sure you’ll be bombarded with half-naked women a few times. Maybe I’m just a bit old-fashioned, but I prefer to leave something to the imagination when women are concerned. “I wonder what she’s got on under that,” has gone by the wayside. I can usually tell how well a woman “maintains herself” with most of the outfits that can be purchased at the local mall. I know you girls have some class out there. Just watch any old movie, or even “LA Confidential” to see what I’m talking about. That’s some hot shit right there.
Of course, these are just my opinions. I like to think (or maybe just hope) that our nation isn’t as stupid as it looks. Even though we elected Bush Jr. twice, we can come back from the brink. Let your kids enjoy a helmet-less existence. If you’ve raised them right, they’ll make the right choice and not kill themselves when playing. And, for God’s sake, please put some clothes on.