Guns and Records

Let’s get into the GUNS portion of “guns and records”.

If you’ve read the “about” portion of this website, then you’d already know that I like guns. Everything from military surplus (milsurp) rifles and pistols, to assault rifles, and even the absurdly large “hunting pistols” like the Smith and Wesson .500 magnum.

As a kid growing up before Columbine, boys were directly marketed to by toy companies flaunting cap guns, little green army men, and the greatest toy of all: G.I. Joe. We could fight our own imaginary battles against the forces of evil right there on the living room carpet (or even the alleys and streets of our neighborhood with the smell of burning paper and powder wafting up from the little replica .38 special cap revolvers). Guns were this super-cool tool to be used against the tyranny of COBRA. YO, JOE!

Look back at all of the most popular shows: Gunsmoke, The Rifleman, Bonanza, Starsky and Hutch, Streets of San Francisco, A-Team. All of these shows were aimed at a male audience. They all had lines of merchandise that could be purchased for kids so that they could pretend they were their favorite TV hero. Little sixguns with fake leather holsters. A-Team brand 1/2-scale Ruger Mini-14s. It was OK to have toy guns, knives, plastic handcuffs and the like, because there wasn’t any risk of these kids getting ahold of a gun and taking it to school to end some bully’s life.

Living in New Jersey for a while and being married to a “there’s no way you’ll bring a gun into this house” type of woman put any interest in guns in the back of my mind. Once I left Jersey (and that woman) and moved to Texas, I finally had a chance to explore this gun thing a little bit. People were a little bit less afraid of guns here, and there are at least 8-10 gun shows a year in the DFW area. Without spending a dime, I could fill my brain with info about being a gun owner. I went to these gun shows and talked to the vendors about what might be the best way to get into this extremely expensive hobby. I knew I wanted something to defend my home with, and I still had to convince my current girlfriend that guns were “OK”.

I finally came home from a gun show $700 poorer and a 9mm pistol for her, and a 12gauge shotgun for me. That’s where it began.

I then poured myself into the internet, finding message boards and forums not only about the two new firearms that I had purchased (and how to modify them), but about the newfound responsiblility I had. The local gun range has taken a lot of my money in ammo and range fees, which have been put to good use. My girl has become a more-than-competent shot, and has lost a lot of the uneasiness about firearms. I’ve taken many people (who have never shot a gun before in their life) to the range to help educate them about guns and their lack of evil.

I’m not a member of the NRA, and don’t really want to be. Still, the issue of gun control drives me fucking nuts. I’ll get into that another time.

Anyway, I now own two pistols and a shotgun. The original 9mm I bought at the gun show has been sold off and replaced with a .357magnum revolver, and a SigSauer p226 in .40S&W has joined the family. Will these be all I’ll ever need? Who knows. There are a lot of people I know that say you can never have enough guns. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I know a bunch of people who say that even one is too many. I’ll most likely get another when I get my Concealed Handgun Liscence, but that’s in the future.

Like with bass fishing and a million other hobbies I’ve had, this one might fade away and I’ll take up something else. This one seems like way too much fun to just let it go.

If you haven’t ever shot a gun, then find someone that has one and ask them if they’ll take you shooting. Just be safe and smart, and you’ll have one of the best times you’ve ever had.

I went to Potbelly today with my girlfriend for a little lunch. I ordered the ham and swiss with some mustard and various vegetables. I even purchased one of their “deli pickles” which I’ll get into later. When I read the menu of sandwiches, I failed to notice the “served warm” part. I had read, “warm bread”. Silly me. When I retreived my paper-wrapped lunch, it was warm in my hand. I then realized I had made a mistake.

Let me fill you in on my eating habits, that way you’ll understand my frustration during the above transaction. I eat the same shit all of the time. If I go to a Mexican restaurant, there are two items on the menu I’ll order (tacos or chimichanga- maybe a burrito if I’m feeling wacky). Chinese? Chicken with broccoli, please. Seafood restaurant? Good luck. This drives my girlfriend, brother, and just about anyone else fucking crazy when they go out to eat with me.

“Why don’t you try something different?”

“Because it’s my meal. I want what I want.”

“That’s so boring.”

That’s me. Boring, picky eater. The list of things I’ll eat is probably shorter than the list of things I won’t eat. I spent my whole childhood with an experimental chef as a mother. Remember the health food craze in the 80s? I remember it well. Tofu, brown rice, vegetarianism, etc. One night, I sat at the dinner table until about 3 am because I wouldn’t eat a quiche my mom had made. It wasn’t until she had gotten up to use the bathroom that she remembered I was still sitting there and sent me to bed. The same quiche was served to me a few hours later for breakfast. I went hungry that day. This is probably where my pickiness began. Where most kids learned variety is good, and one should try different things is where I learned that as an adult I can eat whatever the fuck I want.

Cut to me leaving the sandwich “shoppe” pissed with a toasted sandwich. Having spent many years in New Jersey (where, in my opinion, the best sandwiches are made) has made me enjoy giant, non-toasted sub sandwiches. Companies began toasting sandwiches to make themselves seem different than “the other sandwich chain”- Subway. Don’t even get me started on that fucking abortion of a sandwich joint. Fuck Subway for life. Even Subway has begun to toast their awful garbage they call sandwiches.

Anyway, I ate the toasted sandwich. It wasn’t so bad that it was inedible, but wasn’t anywhere near good. Actually, it probably wouldn’t have been half bad untoasted. Their pickle, on the other hand was another story. Imagine a soggy cucumber. It smelled like a pickle, but tasted like it had a few more days worth of soaking to do. All in all, a disappointing lunch.

My applause for all of you who try new things. Good for you. You’re the type of people who others enjoy dining with. You don’t have a short list of restaurants that you’ll eat at. You haven’t made someone feel bad at Thanksgiving because you only ate turkey and mashed potatoes. I’ll be sitting over here in the corner with my Kraft macaroni and cheese and tacos perfectly happy.

Congratulations, you are now living among the worst generation in America’s history. I was listening to the radio today, and heard that Texas is considering a bill that would ban smoking in ALL PUBLIC PLACES. That means not just bars and restaurants, Dallas, but anywhere that’s not your property. God forbid the business owners should have a right to determine whether their patrons are allowed to smoke in their establishments. One caller into the show even had the balls to say (and I’m paraphrasing through my anger),” Excuse me for wanting to stay healthy when I’m at a bar”. Basically, the caller wanted to turn his liver into a ball of scar tissue in a smoke-free environment.

Next time you’re in public, look around you. You’re probably surrounded by idiots. Remember the time before A.D.D.? When kids were just “hyper”? When dyslexic kids just worked harder to keep up with non-reading-disordered students? A friend of mine has a dyslexic daughter, and she gets more time to turn in book reports and has an altered curriculum due to her disability. What the fuck? Our school systems seem to be telling children, “don’t try harder, we’ll just make things easier for you because we’re afraid of hurting your feelings”. School is supposed to prepare children for public life, and with handing kids a crutch they’re probably making future life harder. Does your boss give a shit about your feelings when you miss a deadline? Do you think the person who just caught HEP-C because of me misreading plumbing plans will be more forgiving because I might have dyslexia?

Look back at the “greatest generation” (the Americans who lived during the Second World War). This is the generation that conquered fascism, invented computers, and didn’t cry over not being able to read as well as the next kid. Do I blame the children? Of course not. As parents of this new generation of nancyboy crybabies, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Stop the “time-outs” and start hitting your kids. Yes, I said it. HIT YOUR KIDS. My mom beat my fucking ass when I got out of line, and here I am without a criminal record, multiple outlets for my creativity, respect from my peers, and a Journeyman Plumber’s liscence to show. I couldn’t be more happy with how my (divorced and single) Mom raised me. At the time, the whippings sucked. The pain didn’t last long, but the lessons did. I learned “Yes ma’am” and “Yes sir” at a young age. I learned to respect my elders, whether I knew them or not. If I failed at something, I heard: “Get up and try it again, son.” Not: “It’s OK son. You don’t have to try it anymore. Here’s a hug.” Kids don’t have respect for shit anymore. Not each other, not their elders, not your shit, and especially not their parents. Since the “hugs and time-outs” books hit the shelves, the “whack your kid’s ass” books got put away, and we now have a generation of kids who have no idea of how to deal with real-life situations. Ask any average 13-year-old if he/she reads for fun. You’ll most likely get a “fuck no, and fuck you for asking!”.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that all parents are doing a bad job. I’m not saying that all kids are awful these days, either. A majority of the ones I come into contact with ARE, though. Keep this up people, and we’ll have an entire country of fucking moronic Americans who can do nothing but point the finger at someone else for it all.

A couple of tips to curb the retardation:

-Listen to your local NPR station with your kids.

-Take your kids to Barnes & Noble (or any other book store) or to a library. READING BOOKS FOR FUN IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. Imagine your favorite author. Now imagine your favorite author growing up as your kid sitting in front of the TV or playing XBOX 360 and not reading. Do you think they would have written your favorite books? Probably not.

MAKE YOUR KIDS THE SMART KIDS. -Take your kids on interesting trips. Not Disney World, but historically important locations like Gettysburg or Pearl Harbor. Teach your kids that Rushmore took a shitload of work and wasn’t created with lasers.

Smart kids who have been taught to be strong when others aren’t, become leaders. They’re afraid of many less things. Do your part parents. Make sure you can be proud of what you raised.